I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
