Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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