My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
