You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
