I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
