You're completely useless in the revolution.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize