A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
