Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
