wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
