I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
