This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
