I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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