i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
