There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
