I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
ok first of all what the fuck
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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