well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
