I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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