hotel room ftw
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
