Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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