just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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