I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
