I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
