saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
