if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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