i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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