matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The beer is more important than you right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
