I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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