yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
