He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two words: blizzard sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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