did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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