kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
