I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
