I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
