is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
