I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
