Are we in a gay sports bar?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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