I want to make a zoo with you.
Someone shit on the floor
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize