If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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