it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
