I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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