I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
