420 ftw
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
