Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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