3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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