she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
