I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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