She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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