So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
