btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
