I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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