She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If that was your dad, he is hot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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