Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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