I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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