I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So apparently I’m into choking now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
