i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
