u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
