hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
