We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
