Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i will never coherently bang her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
