Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
