I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
